Y .Thursday, December 15, 2005.
Sumtimes i realli wonder. what i expect in life. this is gonna be another boring and dead entry. was like.. wondering.. i tink.. for career wise. kinda alreadi fixed.. most prob wil work up working at some industrial plant as chemical engineers. and.. social wise. hmmm. Actually, my life now.. right now.. actualli quite contented with i have ard mi. a supporting and sweet family, nice course, results okay, okay-job, great friends in sch, cute fishing gang, close and trustable darlings.what else did i miss out.. hmm. but right now. or should i sae these few daes..jus dun feel that gd.. like what i always sae, been like drifting away from everyone. and ysd was kinda lk the veri worse one. hmmm. Huda msg mi to ask if there is some gathering gg on, i said tink so. hmmm. cos i realli have no idea what meiying planning. den seems lk she quite hurt that we asked her bf and nt her. and frankly speaking.. i have no idea at all. and she asked.. clare, u realli want him to come on ur bdae izit? and i was pretty.. stunned. to summarise my conversation with huda, it would be that.. she thot i lk al-hafiz( the cute malay guy i used to sae) in the past. but it's like.. no matter it's in the present or past. i swear to god in heaven that i never ever like al-hafiz. i do admit i did said he was cute. but. never did i sae i like him as in.. LIKE. he's cute. he was like.. sumone veri sweet and cute. and i dare to touch my conscience and sae that. i onli treat him as my bro.nth else FULL STOP. i did explain to huda lar. cos mi and huda also quite close de. and i dun want this kind of ting to like.. spoil the friendship. but feel quite sad abt the whole ting. hmmm. I made my stand veri veri clear that i onli lk chinese and older guys. al-hafiz dun fit into both.he's younger and he's a malay.i'm nt being racist here.. but i jus prefer chinese cos my english veri bad.. den will have communication barrier...I feel lk .. being sucha bitch lor.... as in.. like in the eyes of others. this is lk 1st time alreadi. i still rem mi and shiyun is becos of kelvin. and kelvin is my best friend. nth else. till now, tho i nv see kel for veri long.. but i still regard him as one of my best fren. friendship.. it's a feeling inside the heart. I always get along better with guys. i can't help it. i'm nt being a flirt or aniting. I'm nt tom-boi either. at least to mi i'm nt.. i dun play rough with em'. but in a way, i tend to lk guy's tinking.. and the wae they speak. let it be in class or at work. i'm like tt. can't expect mi to change myself becos of what others tink. even my mum noes this. i've lotsa guy-frenZ. but none of them exceeded that line. mayb cos i can onli be a gd fren. but.. it's nt lk a sin to have more guy frenZ or gals right. like.. my frenZ in class.. i'm nt lk.. hanging out with guys all the time. i have my own gal frenZ too.. celine, jieying, pema, sharon.. to put it in simpler form. i dun mind the gender of a fren. becos.. gal or boi.. same to mi lor. lk .. even isaiah did sae tt i'm closer to guys. SO What. in class. besides celine.. i tink i'm closest with terence, adrian and isaiah. tt dae in msn.. isaiah asked mi a qns tt reali shocked mi. he asked if there was aniting gg on btw mi and ter. he said he was joking.. but he said that mi and ter seems lk closer than ter and celine. what rubbish. damn ridiculous. i have my limits. it's like. mi and ter tt ting. i dun tink so lar.. it's cos of skye ting den mi and ter tok more... it was also skye ting tt made mi and adrian tok more. but frankly speakin.. i dun care lar.. i onli dun want other ppl words to like.. spoil my friendship. dumb. mmm.. i admire guys for their straighforwardness and playfulness. thank god, celine's character and mine. quite similar. den she understands. hmmm.
hao le. shall stop here. go prepare stuff for dinner.