Y .Saturday, January 14, 2006.
Quote of the dae:
Different people have different perception. One man's meat can be other's poison.
Came back from bugis. May changed her halrstyle. Nice ar. Short and stylish. i like the colour of the highlight. I'll nv have my hair done like tt. cos.. my face dun suit tt kind of hairstyle. hmmmm. tink for now, i'll stay to my ugly and dull hair. =_=
May said She has been in her hyper mood these daes. while i'm feeling totally opp. hmmm. I don't noe how to put this across. Kind of like.. accumulation. Root of the problem is.. jus myself. Was reali..bottling up everyting. till jus now my mum came into my room and ask mi what happen.. if i'm okay. I dun noe.. but everyting jus seemed to pour out.In tears. Sumtimes, mayb the more u have in life, the more u are afraid to lose. Right now, i'm in a... i-am-a-total-loser mood. I always thot.. altho i'm nt as pretty as my frenZ are or as.. Fun-loving understanding than any of them. I felt blessed that i have frenZ ard mi. I noe myself well, My temper, my sarcastism. I tried to change. But it's hard. Still trying. I tried my veri best to be there for my frenZ. i mean all my frenZ. realli. cos.. I noe how it feels to have no one to tok to. I listened to ter when he was sad, i listened to skye. on my part. I tried my hardest to be a fren In need. but .. When I need a fren to tok to.. I realiZed that i have no one to turn to. It's nt tt i din look for listening ear. I look ard but no one was in sight. everyone was in a world of their own. With problems of their own, their own work, exams. What i asked for was jus.. a little of their time. Sumtimes I dun call ppl jus for fun, I call cos i needed to tok. When i tok abt other stuff, i tend to forget the prob i'm facing. I dun need u to give mi a solution.. but jus.. a listening ear.Right now.. if i were to msg anyone to sae i wanna die, tink by the time they realiZed it. i'm alreadi dead. someting lk tt ar. hmmm. there were 2 person whom i thot were the onli ppl hu will be the fren i need. But.. mayb higher expectations beings abt higher disappointment. I could see that.. the heartache expression on my mum'face jus now. Felt guilty. But i couldn't help it. I nv did cry to her over my own problems. cos i always felt i could be mature enuf to handle problems of my own. but.. of late, what can I do.. pretend lk nth is wrong, put on a BIG SMILE in sch and at home. and cry myself to bed everynight. and the routine goes. In sch, i try nt to tok so much to celine oso le. cos of ter. i noe celine is in a awkward position, to choose between a lonely fren or a angry bf.I din want to make tings difficult for her oso. Frankly speaking, noeing celine is one of the happiest ting tt could happen since last yr. cos she nv fail to make mi laugh with her dumb and silly antics. My mum said.. she thot i was always the cheerful one. complain complain den forget liaoZ. like i said. it's accumulation. or mayb, as ppl grow up, we have higher expectations of themselves and the ppl ard them. I dun lk to be the inferior among my frenZ. tho they all said i'm being too senstive here.. but.. it's true. I'm nt as pretty as May or hweeteng. nt as gd natured or gd tempered as them. Since sec sch, my surrounding frenZ are all pretties. Meiying, SOnia, Tina, Leyu.. Pj, the Fg all oso veri pretty..bleh bleh bleh...
The real reason for bloggin. frankly, i need to sort out my thots. I am nt trying to annouce my problems to everyone.as in.. if anyone does read it.. but.. as i type this out, i feel.. better. My blog dun judge mi. for being too senstive, for being naive or aniting. I'm so tired of everyting. realli. Been tearing since jus now. can't stop. the mroe i tink abt it. the more i wanna cry.
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